I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
