If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
