Where is the hickey?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
