we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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