a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
