Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
