I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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