he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
