He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
