got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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