I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm passing your future prison.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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