Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
