I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
