My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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