Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
