I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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