You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
even my farts smell like vagina
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
