i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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