I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
