Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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