YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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