your room smells of hookers.
And success
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
