I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
