take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
