apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
