I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
