I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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