sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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