i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
