I'm laying in your front yard are you home
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
