they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
