at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
