god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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