My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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