I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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