i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
