great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
