hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
