I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
