I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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