Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
