3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
