I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
