I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
