somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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