i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
But we have bathrooms and they dont
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
