I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
