I wish I could teleport
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
