to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
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