I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
