YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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