Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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